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Question: What are the main types and causes of emotional pain? Answer: There are three primary sources of emotional pain: Lack of self worth - a low self concept. This may seem obvious, but how can it happen? The answer is often found in the lack of a positive concept stressed by significant people, mainly parents, during early childhood. For example, parents may place unrealistic demands on the first child. Simply because of this pressure, the oldest child tends to be the most "successful" in career terms. Unfortunately, happiness" is not so easily obtained. These children seldom believe they have achieved enough to please their demanding parents. The youngest child, on the other hand, is often smothered and overprotected. Hating to see her "baby" grow up may allow the youngest to become overly dependent. A doting father may wish to protect a daughter from the dangers of a cruel world and keep his "little girl" forever. These are subtle messages that signal the children can't survive on his or her own capacities. Childhood is generally the time of life when self-esteem must be properly established. Encourage your children to tell you abut their painful experiences. Compliment them when you see exceptional character traits. A second source of emotional pain is lack of intimacy with others or loneliness. Humans are social beings; we are designed to need one another. But human beings are also basically selfish. We like having our own way. This leads to poor relationships which produces loneliness. Loneliness is a choice, like happiness. Many loners imagine other people do not want to get close to them, when in reality they are rejecting intimacy that may be offered. Thus, the defense mechanism know as "projection" superimposes one's own behavior onto others. They have chosen to be lonely, yet hold others accountable for their pains. The third source of emotional pain is lack of intimacy with God. Deep within each human is an inner emptiness that can be filled only by a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Answered by: Dr. Robert Rice |