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Question: I'm in my mid thirties, a parent of two early adolescents, and I have always struggled with self-esteem issues. Some times are definitely worse than others, and I really thought I would have outgrown this by now. However, my main concern is that it looks like my children are beginning to struggle with the same problems. I had always believed that my problems came from the way my mother treated me as a child, but now I'm wondering. Can you offer some insight? Answer: It is true that childhood is the primary time for healthy self-esteem to be established. Not often does a well adjusted child mature into an adult then one day wakes up with a poor self image. An infant needs loads of tender physical and verbal attention during waking hours from their parents, and older children require daily deposits of love and attention balanced with firm boundaries and limits. A consistent deficit of these basics can trigger problems with self-worth. However, the way one sees themselves can be changed. First it is important to realize that our society is obsessed with "self-image" and the importance of "me". Self-absorption often accompanies poor self esteem. We tend to turn the "me factor" into a false God by focusing on our own needs and desires. Soon we find we are owners of a faulty value system which states that personal fulfillment, money, prestige, control, and power are what counts. Our true worth is rooted in the fact that our Heavenly Father loved us enough to sacrifice his Son for us. A second important influence on how we see ourselves, is our personal daily conduct. Are we proud of our activities, and our thought life? A healthy self-image will begin to emerge as we grasp hold of the truth of God's love for us. Our worth and value do not change but our feelings do. Secondly enter into activities that are other centered. Your children will greatly benefit from this also. Do things for people with no expectation of gratitude. Nursing homes, hospitals, secret pals, churches, and community organizations, can really use you! As you ask God for help and direction your growth process will begin. The professionals at the Rice - Lewis Clinic are ready to assist your family's needs. Answered by: Robert Rice, M.D. |