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Question: My husband recently confessed to an affair with another woman. I became angry and told him to pack his bags and leave. He said that he was sorry and wanted to work on our marriage. He does not want to move out. Should we separate? Answer: In some cases, separation is the only route to true healing of a marriage relationship. For instance, it is a very viable choice in cases involving an affair of several weeks or more because the attachment to the third party is usually so strong and will take time to dissolve. It also gives a clear signal to the adulterous spouse that you will not tolerate a three-way relationship. This is particularly true when the affair is not yet over. If no consequences are forth coming, the unfaithful spouse may continue illicit behavior. If separation is your choice, the two of you need to set some guidelines to gradually direct your relationship back toward a full marital union. If the affair was very brief and your spouse demonstrates true repentance, separation may not be necessary. Regardless of whether you decide to separate or not, a pastor or marriage counselor may be of help in assisting you in determining some ground rules for your interim relationship. For additional information or for a free telephone consult, contact the Rice - Lewis Clinic. We specialize in marriage and family counseling and have qualified experienced professionals wanting to help you through this difficult time. Answered by Maurine Freeze Richardson The Rice - Lewis Clinic. 1-800-488-GROW |