Men and the Pains of Past Abortion


Question:

One of my best friends recently confided in me that he and his girlfriend had an abortion about a year ago. He said that things didn't turn out as they had expected. They have broken up, he can't seem to keep a steady job, and he says he has trouble sleeping. Is this a normal reaction for a man, and how can I help him through this time?

Answer:

Unfortunately, not only have men been conditioned not to show their emotions, our society is not sympathetic to abortion survivors in general. Men receive the brunt of the blow by being practically invisible in this triangle, because abortion is still seen as an issue relating only to women. Most men and women report an initial feeling of relief, followed by a period psychiatrists identify as emotional paralysis, or post abortion numbness. Men who eventually sought counseling reported increased difficulty with anger, problems with forming trusting relationships, depression, sleep disorders, risk-taking, panic attacks, addictions, difficulty bonding with children, and feelings of suicide.

Here are a few ways to be a help to your friend:
  1. Be a good listener. Allow him to ventilate and share as much of the experience as he wants to.
  2. Give him permission to grieve. Men need to understand that they are first human, second a man, and tears are God-given and healthy. They need to be able to admit they too have lost someone who would be special to them.
  3. Don't condemn him for making a bad or immoral choice. We all sin and make bad choices. Encourage him to accept God's forgiveness, and not to blame others for the abortion.
  4. Allow him to regret his choice if he was involved in the decision. We all learn from our mistakes, and many times are stronger on the other side.
  5. Remind him that his baby is with his Heavenly Father now. One day he can be reunited with his child when he can ask for and receive his forgiveness.
For further help, or a free telephone consult you can contact our caring professionals at The Rice - Lewis Clinic.

Answered by: Dr. Robert Rice.


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