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Question: I have been trying several disciplinary strategies with my child and none seem to work. Do you have any suggestions? Answer: I often am presented with this question in my practice. Parents are frustrated because their children seem to not respond to anything they try. Children are frustrated because it seems like they do "everything wrong and nothing right." As you can see, everyone is frustrated and no knows what to do next. First, it is important to remember what discipline is and what it is not. Discipline is not punishment alone. In this case, discipline is teaching your children what is appropriate or inappropriate (right or wrong) with the goal that they eventually will become self-sufficient adults who are making wise choices based on principles instilled from childhood. Yes punishment, or negative consequences, are a part of discipline but so are encouragement, praise, and quality time with parents and children. Too many times, the discipline gets out of balance and detrimental discipline occurs when the scales are tipped too far in either direction. Given the nature of your question, it seems as if the scales are heavy on the punishment side. Keep in mind this is frustrating for your child, too. All interactions are interpreted as negative. Even if they do not begin this way, preconceived ideas of "here we go again" often turn them into arguments. If this sounds like your situation, then what you are about to read next may surprise you. Ease off a bit. Concentrate on the positive characteristics of your child and communicate them to your child. Have fun interactions with your child. Develop a relationship in which they can better hear your teaching. No technique will work to achieve the end you want if the relationship you have with your child is negative. It also is possible that you are using techniques that either are inappropriate for the infraction or the age of your child. If so, we can help. Another possibility is that your child may be depressed, anxious, or have another disorder that is interfering with discipline. A professional opinion could be valuable at this point. For additional information, contact The Rice - Lewis Clinic. Answered by: Dr. Julie Howard, Ph.D. |